This is the face I get when I ask my students to write something. Honestly! I know it only too well. As if writing was a self-torture you must take every now and again. But is it really? One of my teacher colleges asked her secondary school students to write a story. Narrative tenses, direct and indirect speech – that kind of thing. Boring, you would think. It was a state school with students of all kinds and this was written by a girl you would not hesitate to judge. Black hair, black clothes, black all over. Read and ask yourself – is writing such a hassle after all? And also – are “the others” as “black” as they act?
Once upon a time there was one powerful kingdom. The king and the queen tried very hard but they couldn’t have children. It was so sad. After a few years they decided for IVF. Their baby girl was so beautiful. Her hair was as dark as the clothes of a metalhead, her teeth as yellow as the sun and her voice as squeaky as screamo music. But she was a princess so everybody had to keep quiet. When her rap obsessed mother saw her, she had a heart attack. Her dad had to listen to punk to deal with it. It was a difficult time. Everywhere in the castle you could hear screams and breakdowns. The king was so angry because he couldn’t listen to his favourite songs through all this noise. He decided. Snow White needed a mother.
He got married within three days. The step mother was terrible. She would listen to stuff like Bieber, 1D or Ed Sheeran. She and the Snow White couldn’t stand each other. They were always arguing. The king suffered from depression and eventually committed suicide. Everyone was unhappy when they realized that the two insane women would rule the whole kingdom! But, they were royals, so they had to keep quiet – again.
The queen had a special mirror, which could talk and was very smart. The queen asked the mirror: “Mirror, mirror on the wall, what is the best music genre of them all?”. “Metal!” the mirror answered.
The queen was so angry. She told the Snow White that The Cannibal Corpse would do a gig in the forest. The Snow White hurried off. She didn’t know that the queen had sent a DJ after her. She hoped that the DJ called The Huntsman would convert the Snow White to pop music.
So the Snow White came to the forest, but there was no concert. She was confused. When she saw the Huntsman, she asked: “What are you doing here?”. When the DJ looked at her, he was very sorry because secretly, he was an emo.
“I came to kill you but never mind. Run, Snow White, run!”
So the Snow White ran. While running through the forest, suddenly she heard it…Slipknot. So she sang along: Undo these chains, my friend, I’ll show you the rage I’ve hidden… Then she saw a little cabin. It was all scorched with graffiti on it. She knocked on the door. It was answered by a little version of Cory Taylor. The Snow White was surprised.
“What are you doing here?”
“Well, it’s a long story. Me and a few of my friends are secretly dwarfs. Eh, it’s quite a short one then, right?”
She went in and couldn’t believe her own eyes. Oli Sykes, Mitch Lucker and other metal singers were all there. It was a heaven for every metalhead.
She stayed with them. They sang and headbanged in the mosh pit. It was awesome. The queen was happy because she thought that the Snow White had converted to pop and stayed in the forest to party. The Snow White never came back to the castle. She didn’t miss any prince charming as she was with her idols. And they lived happily ever after.